Tuesday, 18 March 2014

Far From Fine

      Sorry again about skipping last week's post, I seem to be getting more and more stressed out. I came up with the title for the post because it's how I've been feeling lately, far from fine. Whenever people ask me how I'm feeling, I pretty much always say "good" or "fine". That's what I always tell people, that I'm fine, but I only do it because I'm afraid of admitting the truth about how I'm feeling. If I told people I was stressed, they may not believe me, or laugh at me. I also don't like talking about how I'm feeling, it's just to hard to actually say how I'm feeling.

      My parents think I hate them, but I really don't. They think I hate them because I was really stressed out and I took it out on them. I yelled insults at them and refused to do anything that I was asked. I'm not very proud of that moment, and I really don't want it to happen again. I really don't hate them, it's just that stress will change my reactions to things.

      A few nights ago, I got blamed for something I didn't do, and that caused a LOT of stress. My mom accidentally spilled tea all over herself, and since I was the only person standing up and not sitting on the couch, my Dad blamed me. It made me really upset because he pretty much yelled at me "What did you do?!". I then quickly left the room and refused to speak for two and a half hours. I ended up crying three times in less than ten minutes, so I really didn't like that.

      The next day, I wasn't feeling well. I think that I was so stressed that I ended up making myself sick. I was so sick that I didn't eat my lunch until two-thirty, and all I had was a small bowl of rice and a small bowl of soup. The dinner I had wasn't very different, a bowl of soup and a strawberry milkshake.

      Today I'm still not feeling well, and I have to miss my riding lesson, but I still get to see Winter on Thursday at least. Also, I will be going into my third type of therapy next week! I will be doing equine therapy, but I will be doing ground work with the horses! I may be doing some liberty training but I'm not sure, but I really want to! Here are links for the place, Horse Spirit Connections Video, Horse Spirit Connections Webpage.

      Also, I forgot to mention the biggest news EVER!!!!!! This Wednesday (aka: tomorrow), I will be getting my hair dyed! I'm getting one colored streak, probably a red, green, or blue, and I'm really excited! I'll have to get my hair bleached if I want the color, but it's only one tiny streak, so I don't mind! My Mom doesn't mind either, when she was younger, she also dyed her hair, too! So yeah, I'm really excited for that! And that's it for this week's post, so here come's this week's song link, Flaws by Bastille.

2 comments:

  1. I know you don't really hate us. It just seems like it sometimes. Part of autism is problems with communication. What comes out isn't always what we mean if we can say it at all. Many autistics are better able to express themselves in writing, whether they are verbal, reliably verbal, or not. That's why it is good that you are writing so we are learning more about how your anxiety is bothering you. We are more able to help in the right areas then. We love you and we are trying to do everything we can to help you get past the PTSD and along the way help with the other anxieties.

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  2. Hi Micah, I learn so much from the things you write. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I think most people say "good", or "I'm fine" when asked how they are in a 'social' situation; and so many of us think that others will be afraid of our real feelings. You're so excited about your hair - maybe you can post a picture of just the streak?

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