Monday, 10 February 2014

Winter Week

       This week was definitely better than last week, but still not one of my better weeks. I can't think of much that's happened this week, so I'm going to write a special post. This post is going to be about a friend, that if he was a human, I'm sure he would be a therapist or psychologist. So, here is this week's post about an amazing horse named Winter. 

      When I first got horseback riding lessons at my current barn, Winter was the second or third horse I rode. Winter quickly became my favorite horse, and he did anything I asked him to. Unless he was in a silly mood, which he still does sometimes, and he sees what he can get away with. One day, I was doing some jumping, and my current riding instructor (she wasn't my instructor before), set the jump to a different height and different type of jump, not realizing I was still using the jump. 

      I thought that Winter and I were allowed to go over the jump, so we went to the jump. I now know that a vertical (the type of jump set up) should be approached in canter, not trot. We weren't going fast enough to clear the jump, but Winter still jumped over for me! I stayed on him, but the pole fell down to the ground. It was fun, that's one of the good memories I have of jumping.

      Later that summer, I fell off a horse for the first time. I had been riding the tallest school horse, Ben. Ben had tripped, and I had fallen off, and then Ben walked over to me. Ben just stood there sniffing me and nudging me with his nose. I got up, then I got back on and continued to ride Ben for the rest of the lesson.

      Ben had become my favorite, and Winter didn't seem to mind being the second favorite. Then, a few months later, I got assigned a new horse, Vincent. I hated Vincent at first, but that's probably because he accidentally stepped on the jump because we approached it too slowly. About five months later, I rode Vincent again, and he quickly became my favorite horse. 

      Winter was not happy that he was my third favorite, so he tried to get my attention by misbehaving and seeing what he could get away with. I had thought he was just being annoying because he didn't like that Vincent was my favorite, but now I realize he was just trying to get me to want to work with him so he could be my favorite again.

      Winter's plan had backfired, I had started to hate him. Whenever I got assigned him, I would ask my riding instructor if I was allowed to see if anyone wanted to trade horses. Usually, no was the answer to my question, but occasionally I got a yes. 

      A few months later, Winter had seemed to have given up on his plan, and I got a good lesson. Winter quickly became my second favorite horse after that day, and he started to behave again. I soon tried to get a one day lease on Vincent (paying a tiny bit extra to be promised the horse of your choice each lesson), but wasn't able to because Vincent was too popular. I decided to see about leasing Winter, and I was allowed to because he wasn't very popular.

      When I was diagnosed with PTSD, I found myself getting distracted during my riding lessons. Winter also noticed this, so he would pull little tricks to get my attention. Winter is very good at distracting me from my stress now, and I rarely lose my focus on Winter anymore. If I lose my concentration because I get distracted by stress, Winter is always there to get my attention back.

      I recently discovered Winter knows how to do a trick where he lifts his front leg up, and lowers his head to touch his knee. It looks like he's bowing, and it's very fun to try to get him to do the trick. I had thought it may be something he already been taught, but now I'm thinking it's another way to help me concentrate. If my idea is correct, horses do understand English (which I already believe they do), and they know how to distract us from stress and pain.

      To conclude this blog post, I would like to thank Winter for being the best therapist I have ever known. And I would like to thank my riding instructor for teaching me so much about horseback riding. Thanks to all the horses and amazing people at the riding stable, and thank you to Winter for being the best horse in the world. Also, here's this week's song People Like Us by Kelly Clarkson.

Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Another Bad Week

      Last week was not one of my better weeks, it was one of my worst weeks. I haven't had a week that bad since these problems started, so I'm upset about that. The week started out pretty good, I was excited because my first post got 250 views. I even had people viewing this blog from Australia, Laos, Canada, and the United States of America. I'll start telling you about why my week was so bad, so here's this week's post.

      This week started to get bad on Tuesday, the day of my music therapy. I was almost too stressed out to go, but I made it there. When it was time to get out of the car, I couldn't because the stress got worse. The music therapist came to the car, and I sat perfectly still and didn't respond once, except for when my neck did a twitch, and I didn't do that on purpose.

      After the music therapist left, I did something I haven't done in probably more then three years. I cried in public, and I cried in front of a person. Whenever I've had to cry, it's always been at home, and I stay in my room and hide my face. I've never liked crying in public, but on Tuesday, I cried for three hours in public. I was very unimpressed with myself, but I had known the tears were coming. I had wanted to cry for days, but I couldn't, so I ended up finally crying in front of my mom while she was driving.

      The week still wasn't very good after that, my parents and I argued quite a bit. My mom got annoyed with my attitude (I was being annoying, angry, and wouldn't leave the house because I was stressed), and she told me that she would force me to go to school if I wouldn't leave the house. That just made things worse, and she finally apologized to me hours later. Then my mom argued with me again later that night and the next day. Have I mentioned that I really don't like arguing?

      There was one really good thing that happened during my week, I found a new show that's better than my favorite show! My favorite show was Doctor Who, now I prefer this cool crime drama called Lie To Me. It's about a man named Cal who can tell if someone is lying by their body language, facial expression, and voice. He even managed to figure out what a man was trying to say when he could only move his eyes because he was paralyzed.

      The show Lie To Me has now helped me figure out what job I want to do when I'm older. I was thinking of being an Equine Massage Therapist, not anymore, then I thought being a Data Analyst for the police could be cool (that idea was inspired by a cool app for iPad/iPhone called Cause Of Death), and now, I will be a human lie detector/psychologist! Yeah, human lie detector just sounds a lot cooler, plus, I read that if I joined the police I might have to relocate to anywhere in Ontario (I don't trust airplanes and don't want to move).

      The rest of my week was filled with arguing, stress, anxiety, and attempting to write more books. That's right, I'm writing two more books, now I have over twenty unfinished books to write! Mainly because I have writer's block again... Yeah, I get writer's block a lot, I haven't finished one book, but almost managed to finish a book.
      I'm a little sad about one other thing, though, my friend emailed me a week or two ago, and I replied to it, but she hasn't replied yet and hasn't Facebook messaged me either lately. I'm thinking she may be giving up on me, so if she's reading this, I hope this inspires to remember that I'm still trying to get back to school. Hmm, I guess I could send this to her over Facebook and ask my other friend that goes to school with her to show her this.

      Now, we get closer to the end of my week, I'll tell you about my Saturday. I had singing lessons, they went really well. My music teacher has me learning a new song, and it's now my favorite song. It describes how I've been feeling this week, so I'll post the link at the end of my blog, just like usual. But yes, singing lessons are going very well, I'm singing loudly again (I was too quiet again...), and I'm learning a ton of songs I like.

      Sunday, the day where I accidentally stressed myself out over a friend's party. I had been invited to a friend's party, they were going trampolining, and I was excited to go. Then, on the day of the party, I started thinking about how I'd only know one person going to the party. Then I got so stressed that I couldn't go, then I got invited to another friend's party, so I said no thanks so we didn't have repeat of this accidental stress moment.

      So to recap, one of my worst weeks, and thinking about stress causes stress, so, don't copy me and get even more stressed out. Maybe next week will be better, sorry for the late post, stress and not knowing the password to the computer (it was logged off). So here's the link to this week's song, Human by Christina Perri. Now I'm off to watch more Lie To Me, I'll post again next week.